The Big V

(NO, not victory-- VASECTOMY)
This is on my mind, has been for some time, and perhaps it's too revealing for my blog which I seldom post anything on, but here we go: Ryan got a vasectomy on St. Patrick's Day this year. I didn't want him to do it, but I didn't stand in his way either (long story), and so it was done. When he came home I couldn't even look at him. I was so angry that he'd taken that part of our lives away. (Yes, I do take partial responsibility since I didn't bar the door, but really, 24 hrs. notice is not enough time for this tired woman who had a 6-week-old baby and 4 other kids to take care of to process something like that.)
I knew Ryan didn't want any more kids, but I hate the knowledge that we physically CAN'T have any more, that the window is permanently closed. We have a child who had cancer, and I have an enormous fear of losing my children-- I always wanted to be able to have the OPTION of having another child. I've had to face the fact that we just don't have any idea what life is going to bring, and I don't want to do anything that I may regret later down the road. Furthermore, I just can't help but look at sterilization as a slap in the face to those who are unable to conceive and to Heavenly Father ("Thanks for our blessings, but no thanks, I'm in control and I'm going to do my best to permanently prevent You from giving us any more!?!") I have no judgement towards those who do choose the sterilization route-- "to each his own" and all that-- but I don't feel that it's right for ME. I don't feel good about it. Thinking about it makes me feel as though I can't breathe, and anxiety plagues me.
Now let me say that I'm not angry at my husband anymore. He's a wonderful husband and father, and I love him very much-- we've been through quite a bit together in our marriage, which has made us stronger as a couple. I'm so glad I had the intelligence to marry him 10 years ago! (Heaven knows there were other decisions I wasn't so smart about....) He made a decision about his body that he feels fine with, but because of my feelings he has told me that he's willing to try to get on the list at our hospital for a reversal once the new year comes. We both feel that that's a reasonable time to wait to make a decision about this. I wonder if I'm being selfish, though, if he does have the surgery.....we are not planning to have more children, and he's adamant that five is plenty for him, so what if we did have another surprise pregnancy? Would he hate me for this? Someone I know told me, "I know it isn't what you wanted, but you'll get over it and realize it's for the better; just give it time." I really don't think I will "get over it"....the passing time hasn't made me any happier about this......

Little Heroes Prom

April 3, 2009
Every year, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society puts on a prom for the pediatric cancer survivors in the area. It is so fun-- the kids LOVE to go! Ryan and I have fun, too, but our night is usually spent chasing little people around, trying to keep them in sight, and (this year) preventing them from leaping off the stage and breaking their legs/arms/heads!Dylan was afraid to go up on stage alone, so he got a shoulder ride from Daddy Dylan, receiving his medal from Dr. GHummer limo rides! Tyler and Kayla thought the limo was so cool....There was also a free photo booth (but I can't remember where I put the pictures from it--whoops!) Kayla helped Riley do the macarenaTyler helped Riley dance, too ("dance ME, TyTy!")Our little guest of honor chowed down on cookies-- I really should have gotten a picture of the chocolate fountain, too, since that's where our kids kept migrating! Colby slept through the whole thing ('cause that's what 2-month olds do!)

They had a professional photographer taking family pictures (for free!) there-- I was reluctant to wake up Colby earlier while he was sleeping so nicely, so I collected everyone just before the photographer shut down for the night (10PM), we rushed in after a night of dancing/chasing, plopped down......and this is what we got! :)

A Ten-Year -Old Boy's Idea of a Baby Video.....

March 27th 2009
Colby at 8 weeks old, video taken by Tyler....

I Am A Crappy Blogger!

I have decided that I am terrible at "blogging" (among other things, such as: all sports, folding laundry regularly, not eating sugar, etc.) and I will now update everyone on Colby's birth almost 6 months ago!
I was scheduled for an induction on Friday, January 30th, (4 days early) after having to practically beg the doctor to let me have this baby (I'd gone in on Tuesday morning earlier that week with contractions a couple minutes apart, then they all stopped-- lovely! The doctor sent me home, ignoring the fact that I am GBS positive and need antibiotics for 6 or 8 hours prior to delivery and my last labor was only 1 hour 26 minutes long! Grrr....I shouldn't get started). However, I went into labor on my own and showed up a few hours earlier than they'd planned. Things weren't as bad as they could have been, but weren't ideal either!
The doctor only decided to let me have an epidural when I thought I was going to die from pain, the anesthesiologist had to stick me 3 times because she kept hitting blood vessels, then only half of me was numb, so she had to go in and wiggle the needle some more....that didn't work, so they just did something else through my iv (which was HEAVEN) an hour later. When I was ready to push they broke my water and Colby's heart rate dropped, and they wouldn't let me get him out. Then my contractions stopped, and I had to NOT PUSH for almost 2 hours. I think they may have given me pitocin to get things going again (not too sure at this point) and at long last, after 3 pushes our little boy was OUT!
Colby Matthew Schneider was born at 6:51 am, weighing 8 lb.s 1 oz., and he was 20 1/2 inches long, and I felt fine. A couple hours after he was born, his oxygen levels kept dropping and they ended up sending him in for x-rays. The chest x-ray was cloudy and it was unclear whether the problem was congenital pneumonia or amniotic fluid in his lungs, so Colby was admitted to the NICU and was treated preventatively for pneumonia.
My home teacher (who was a nurse anesthetist at the hospital) and another man from our ward (who is an orthopedic surgeon) came and gave Colby a blessing, which was a comfort. I was discharged the second day, but the staff let me keep my room to sleep in while our baby was still in the hospital. Colby was declared healthy after 3 days (it was NOT pneumonia), and we were able to bring him home on Monday. I wonder if it would've been better for him if they'd have just listened to me and let me get him out when his heart rate started dropping-- Ryan and I think that he was hanging out too long in my belly. They CLAIM that he was in the NICU because he was a "precipitous delivery", however, I was able to deliver ALL of my children quickly and none of the others had fluid in THEIR lungs.....
All's well that ends well, though! Colby is so adorable-- every one of us is in love with him, and of course we can't imagine what life would be like without him! He is a good-natured and a giggly little squishy guy-- we are blessed to have such great kids!

Ahhhh, Life

We've had some events in the past couple of months that I haven't kept up with on here-- I turned THIRTY (yes, I am admitting it only this once-- on my birthday Kayla wished me a "happy 27th birthday"-- sweet girl!) in December, then of course we had a fun Christmas, followed by Ryan's and my 10th anniversary on Jan. 9! Married for 10 years, kinda makes us seem OLD! Ryan surprised me with an overnight stay at a bed and breakfast downtown (first time we were ALONE overnight in over 5 years!) at a place I had wanted to go to-- he's such a good husband! (oh, by the way, breakfast was fabulous there-- I'm 9 months pregnant, gotta mention the delicious FOOD!)
My friends (who are also my visiting teachers) threw me my first baby shower on the 17th, what sweethearts Kelli and Abbey are-- it was so much fun!

Riley's 2nd birthday was on Jan 21st! He's such a cute and cuddly little guy and he is such a joy to care for!

Now that all of our "big events" have passed, we are ready for the next one-- THIS NEW BABY! He can come any time he wants to now (I've always gone overdue, but for heaven's sake, my cankles are NOT attractive-- I say it's time NOW!).....

KAYLA IS 8!

Our little girl is eight now (as of Nov. 9th), and I can hardly believe it! I still remember so clearly the day we found out we were having her..... I was 21, had just stopped nursing Tyler (who was 15 mo.s) and I was on the pill and 4 days late. I didn't really think anything of it, but since a pregnancy test was free to those of us in military households, I went in and got tested so I wouldn't wonder. No one had called with the results yet and I needed to go to the commissary, so I left Tyler with Ryan and went grocery shopping. When I returned home, Ryan greeted me with a HUGE grin and there was a note pinned to his shirt which read "of 2!" I was stumped for a minute, until I realized that he was wearing his "great dad" shirt (so, for those who are mentally challenged like me, the shirt now read "great dad of 2!")! I was completely shocked. It took about 5 minutes for it to sink in, and then I was just as excited as Ryan was, but of course he likes to try to irritate me by saying that he wanted to have Kayla more than I did. (MEN! ) Kayla is such a sweetheart-- she does great in school and is a help to me with her younger brothers, but gone are the days when she'd announce to anyone listening "I has a pink pack-pack" or when she'd go running down the hall, waving her arms, screeching "I has to go POOOOOTTTTTTTYYY!" I get to enjoy her company in new ways now, and I am so lucky to have an ally to roll my eyes with when the boys are being ridiculous!

MY HOT HUSBAND

Ryan had a costume party to dress up for at his annual 4-day recruiting training/party thing a few hours away, so he and his friend went as Joker and Batman. Perhaps some of you saw the new Batman movie, The Dark Knight, and will remember the scene where the Joker dresses up as a nurse.
Well, my husband decided to give the nurse's outfit a try! We made him a button and "hospital id" to complete the costume. Unfortunately I didn't get to see him in full get-up in person (since I didn't go to the annual--no one to watch the kiddos for that long), but these are the pictures he gave me-- I think they're hilarious! p.s. I bought him the tights HAHAHA